"...You wasn't that clear about..."


XD

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XD

Wow.

I couldn't tell if that was a response to my statement, or part of this topic.

XD

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Knowing him, both.

I'd say it was pretty amusing.

XD

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???

I dun get, once more.

XD

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XD

Yes, pretty much.



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Bjorn Gustavsson epic video.



XD

Epically epic.

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XD

Wow.

British comdeian.

WIN.

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XD

Wow.

What did the buzzes mean?




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XD

Wow.

"TWO BANANAS!"

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XD

Wow.

I can only imagine...


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???

How was that funny?

EDIT:

...

Ah.

Now I see....



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>,<

Creepy, is the word you're looking for?


...

*Shudders*


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XD

I'm hoping he died.


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XD

No clue what that meant, but was pretty funny all the same.


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Ah.

Well, it's time I start to contribute.


-------------------------------
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.



A

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child. If she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

---------------------------------------

A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife so he went to a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.

He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.

The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

"The funeral director," said his wife.





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XD

Yerp.

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You are deep and personal in your thoughts, the quiet type. A mean self-centred cunt and a closet homosexual. Your best friend is probably an altar boy.

YOU FUCKING LIAR I AM NOT A CLOSET CASE!!!

My best friend is a girl, and i love anoying her by calling her pet names and.... well... it involves her butt, my hand, and surprises!

*to leachy, think motivational posters with foxes*

Two dums are in an alley, with only one dollar between them, trying to figure out how they are going to get drunk. “I have an idea!,” one exclaims. “Give me your 50 cents.” The drunk stands up with his dollar in pocket change, stumbles out of the alley towards the market across the street, and returns five minutes later with a hot dog in his hand.
“Oh, man,” the second drunk cries, “how are we going to get drunk off of a hot dog?”

“I’ll explain!,” the first drunk leans over and whispers his plan into his ear.

***
A couple of hours later, the two drunks are sitting in a bar. Having just finished 6 whiskeys between them, the bartender finally gets fed up. “All right, I’ve served you each three whiskeys, and you haven’t paid me yet. That’s it! If you don’t have the cash, I’m calling the police.”

On that cue, the first drunk jumps up from his bar stool, where it becomes evident that he has zipped the hot dog into his fly. The second drunk dives to his knees and starts sucking on the hot dog.

“Oh my God!” the bartender screeched, “Get out of here! Get out of here!”

***
Ten hours and eight bars later, the two drunks stumble back into the alley from where their adventure began.

“Man, that was a great plan,” the second drunk said, “but boy are my knees sore from jumping down onto the floor in all of those bars.”

“You think your knees are sore?,” the first drunk snorted. “We lost the hot dog after the second bar.”




Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.




How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a grandma and a baby?
Grandma doesn't die when you fuck her in the ass

How do you put a baby into a blender?
Feet first, so you can see the look on it's face.

What does a baby do while in the microwave?
I don't know I was too busy masturbating

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Cancer

What would the Jetsons be called if they were black?
Niggers

What's black and blue and afraid of sex?
The 12 year old locked in my trunk

3 men walk into a bar. One orders a beer, another orders a shot, and the last one orders a whiskey. I don't know how the rest of the joke goes but your mother is a whore.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you get a baby into a bowl?
Blender

How do you get it back out?
Nachos

What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead muslim?
Skid marks in front of the skunk
So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes. One priest turns to the other and says, "grab the chutes and we'll jump!"
"What about the children?" Replies the other priest.
"Fuck the children!" Yells the older priest.
The younger one says, "do you think we have time?"

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy said, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him, my brother. He's four.
We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."

What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday?
Erection day

What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you
lose your house.

Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same
day in Iraq?
They don't want to wear out the camel.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
Cough, gag, choke, etc.

What is the definition of confusion?
Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No.

You freakin' TRIPLE posted.

HELL no.

>,<

Morons...

Sheesh. KEEP IT CLEAN.

---------------------------------

Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.

Yo mamma's cross-eyed, she threw a rock at the ground and missed!

Yo mamma's so old, she farts dust.

Yo mamma's so old, she owes Jesus $3.

Yo mamma's so old, when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.



A

yo mamma jokes? really?

XD

YA, RLY.

-----------------

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"



A

XD

I didn't really get it..

But...

A

HA

~RS

XD?

Well, it sounded like wise advice... for an ...

INTERESTING... >,>

<,<

Eh...

Right, an INTERESTING topic... *cough*


A

Deleted.

2.) What's easier to unload, a truck full of bowling balls, or a truck full of babies?

The babies, since you can use a pitchfork.

Deleted!


DELEEEEEEEEEEEETED!!!


5.) What are the three steps to solving your wife's complaining?

Left hook, Right hook, Uppercut.

...

RACIST!

INAPPROPRIATE!

DEEEEEEEEELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETED!

A

A man and woman were dating and he asked her to marry him. She told him to prove his love to her she wanted him to get her name, Wendy, tattooed on his penis. When it was erect is said Wendy and when it was limp if said Wy. They got married and went to Jamaica to a nude beach for their honeymoon. Wendy told her husband to go get them a drink so he went to a stand on the beach and noticed the man who was waiting on him also has a Wy on his penis. He said oh you must have a wife named Wendy to and the waiter said no mine says Welcome to Jamaica man have a nice day!!!

--------

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you." He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

-----------

A man walks into a bank, and after waiting for 20 minutes in line, he goes straight to a customer service rep. and says, "Hey, lady, I got this here check for deposit and I'll be goddamned if I am going to wait my ass on line anymore." "Please", says the woman. "I won't have that kind of language in this bank." "Well excuse me, but this fuckin' check ain't drawing any goddamned interest with you yappin' away about my language." "Sir, I don't have to take this abuse" she says. "Well then let's get the fuckin' manager okay? I mean what kind of shit is this I have to take from you?" The manager is summoned, and says "What seems to be the problem?" The woman says, "This man is using vulgar language and I won't stand for it." The man says "Hey alls I'm trying to do in this goddamned bank, for Christ's sake is deposit this fuckin' check for 15 million dollars." The manager looks at the check and then at the man and says "And this fuckin' bitch won't help you?"

-----------

XD

A tad inappropriate language, but funny nevertheless.

A